I never seem to know when it will hit. I just suddenly realize that I’m lost and broken. Most of the time when I realize I’m depressed, that is when I start to level out and then rise.
But not this time. This time has been different.
I have wondered before if the fall was a tougher time for me. There are a lot of things changing and a lot of ghosts from the past during this time. There is also a lot of good things so even though I sometimes feel sad around fall, it wasn’t something I recognized as a pattern or tried to get ahead of.
I wish I would have noticed sooner.
After talking with my doctor and her pointing out that I had more trouble adjusting last fall, I realized that maybe this was something I should have picked up on.
But for this fall, it was too late. And this time, is far worse than ever before.
When I used to write in my own online space about my migraines, anxiety and depression, it was helpful to me so here we go again.
I’m so broken. So hurt and sad. I’m stressed and worried about everything.
I feel I have no control over anything.
I’m overwhelmed by all of the emotions I am feeling and all of the thoughts in my head.
I’ve struggled with anxiety and episodes of depression for so many years that I probably became a little complacent, assuming I had myself figured out for the most part.
But I was wrong. I didn’t know it could be this bad. At least I didn’t think it could be for me.
So I have a new and scary path to go through.
Here I go.