A New Hope

Yesterday was a good day and so far today has been good as well. I’m cautiously optimistic.

I had an appointment with my doctor and because I was feeling so all over the place we decided to be a bit more aggressive in trying to get me out of this depressive episode. We added another medication and increased one I was on. All the medications make be a bit uneasy as I am notorious for experiencing all the side effects but desperate times call for desperate measures.

After adding the newest medication I felt a difference. I felt hopeful that this was finally going to help. I felt more normal.

I have desperately missed feeling normal.

Assuming this new treatment plan works out it likely means a slightly different diagnosis and frankly, one that makes a lot of sense to me.

I could mean that I have Bipolar Disorder.

It was probably 2010 the first time a doctor suggested that might be the case but since I would either be fighting anxiety or depression and never really had any real manic episodes, we just kept on with the typical SSRI kinds of medicines for treatment.

But this time has been so very different than all my other episodes. I have felt low, high, both at the same time (smiling and laughing and crying hysterically), and I have felt so very, very lost. It has been like nothing I’ve experienced before but with hindsight I can look back and see some possible foreshadowing over the years.

Regardless of what diagnosis sticks, it seems clear I needed a new treatment approach and seems that the mood stabilizers are a key piece of that plan. I am very thankful we tried something new.

So hopefully things continue to improve. I have all my fingers and toes crossed.

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