Where I’m at right now

By the time I went back to the doctor I had been having a lot of anxiety show up so we adjusted my medications again. I’m hoping that will address this latest low I’m having.

I did ask whether I would require any sort of diagnosis change from Depression and Anxiety to Bipolar or something else. At this point she isn’t changing my diagnosis but we reserved the option to revisit in the Spring or Summer when I can take some diagnostic testing to dig in and see if things have changed.

I’m not sure if that is good or bad or indifferent. This breakdown I went through and don’t feel like I’m fully recovered from was so very different from anything I went through before. Breakdown is the best word to describe because it was like I just completely fell apart.

Broken into thousands of pieces all over the floor.

And now I feel like the pieces are all haphazardly taped back together, some still missing, the rest still jagged and uncomfortable.

I feel like at any moment I will break all over again. Maybe that is why I’m so anxious. It would make sense.

How do I stop worrying about breaking again? How do I mend my pieces in such a way that they are comfortable and will stay together?

How do I move forward unafraid?

I keep working on it I guess. One foot in front of the other.

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