Feeling

As I seem to be "leveling off" (for lack of a better term) after being so all over the place and everything being so over the top and exaggerated, I think I am starting to feel more "real" stuff. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. It's hard to explain. For the last several …

A New Hope

Yesterday was a good day and so far today has been good as well. I'm cautiously optimistic. I had an appointment with my doctor and because I was feeling so all over the place we decided to be a bit more aggressive in trying to get me out of this depressive episode. We added another …

Returning

As the latest medication changes start to affect my system, I am happy that the panic attacks and increased anxiety have improved. But the sadness is returning. It should improve over time but I guess I have to go down again before up. The roller coaster I prefer to never ride. Last Friday my MIL …

That Dark Day

This is hard to share. I've been talking and writing about how I am working through my current battle with my mental state because it helps me to sort through all my thoughts and feelings. It helps me to think that someone might stumble upon my words out here and not feel alone. It helps …

Some Progress

Maybe there is something to this therapy thing after all. I'm used to hearing about how negative I am about myself. I hold myself up to impossible standards that are different than those I have for others. Others can fail and be supported and comforted. Not me. Others don't have be perfect. I do. Others …

I keep trying

I want the pain to stop. My chest hurts. Sometimes I can't breathe. I'm exhausted, I just want to curl up and close my eyes. I cry. A lot. Sometimes I don't even know why. Everything that happens is magnified. Everything hurts so much more. Everything seems like an ending. Everything is so final. I …

Here I go

I never seem to know when it will hit. I just suddenly realize that I'm lost and broken. Most of the time when I realize I'm depressed, that is when I start to level out and then rise. But not this time. This time has been different. I have wondered before if the fall was …